This one is for my best friend.....

We have all had something happen in our lives that, at the moment, devastated us.  A moment that changes our lives and ourselves forever.  An event that may have been anticipated or perhaps a complete surprise, but either way, an event that changes us in a way that can never be erased.  When I was 19 years old, my father died.  That was the thing that ripped me from my life, turned me around, and dropped me from a very high place flat on my face.  I could not, and did not, feel the full effect of this loss until I was much older.  It would take me decades to be able to see how my father's passing changed me.  It was much easier for me to see how his passing changed others in my life.  My friends looked at their parents differently.  My younger sister seemed to lose the innocent look in her eyes.  My mom was no longer the quiet, naive, sweet woman we all knew; she was turning into a smarter, tougher, scarred version of herself out of necessity.  This made my mother some how even more loved (everything my mother does makes her more lovable).  The point is, it made me who I am today, and I survived.

Last year, my best friend, "Cee," had her moment.  At the age of 41, she became a widowed mother of two young children.  A tragic, unforeseen medical condition took her husband away from her.  Ripped her up, turned her around, SPLAT on her face.  We were all in shock at her loss.  She has kept her world spinning at a dangerously fast pace for the last twelve months.  She has moved back from out of state, sold a house, bought a house, started both children in new schools, and got a new dog.  She drops the kids off at school, does the shopping for the household, transports her children to kickball games, Girl Scouts, karate lessons, and tee ball season just began.  Sleepovers, lunches, dinner plans, doctor's appointments, dentist appointments, vacations, holidays, road trips, and movies....all normal activities for a family to do, but in the past year, she has had to learn how to do them without her husband.  Her precious children have had to learn to do them without their dad.  Her in-laws have had to learn that the visits with their grandchildren now do not include seeing their son.  What is the point of her, her son, her daughter, or any of us whom knew and loved her husband to have to deal with this loss?  I have seen how the last year has changed her.  I see a different look in her daughter's face.  I see a pain in the eyes of Cee's father as if he still thinks he can fix her pain.  He has always been there for Cee, but she has suffered a loss he cannot repair.  Although all these changes are obvious to me, I know it will be years, perhaps decades, before Cee will see them.  The point is, it will make her who she is in the future, and she will survive.

"Everything happens for a reason."  We all know that old saying, and I think it is true.  Sometimes that reason is so easy to understand, but there are times we search forever to find it.  The conclusion I have come to is that sometimes the, "reason," is not our reason.  I believe that there are definitely times when the reason that life-changing thing ocurrs in our life is to change someone else's destiny.  As painful and senseless it is for Cee to have lost her husband and her kids to have lost their dad, there was a reason.  Cee learned that a 10 year-old girl received her husband's liver.  A yound girl's life was saved by that organ transplant.  Her husband saved someone's life.  Does it take away Cee's grief?  No.  Did it take away the tortorous, day-to-day waiting of the family of the girl?  Did it ease the pain a parent feels when they do not know how long their child is going to live?  Yes, yes it did.  The point is, it will make that young girl, her parents, and her sisters the family they were afraid they would never be, and she survived.

We miss you, Dave.  You brought my best friend happiness and companionship.  You made  two amazing children together.  You saved the live of a child you never even met.  Thank you.  We will never forget you.