I did not go to college. It is a path in life that I should have made myself follow a long time ago. People tell me I can go back to college, which is true. But, I do not think at this age I want to go back to taking classes. I would be able to buy beer and have my own place, "off campus," but I also would be telling everyone to leave by 9:00 p.m. because I have to get my daughters to bed. Nothing shuts down a college party like the host having two kids, a husband, and laundry to fold.
There is so much focus on the specifics, that it can seem that there can be no deviation from the plan. You pick your school, pick your major, get that job, and continue life. However, I do not know if even half the people I know who graduated from college are actually using the degree they earned. Their degree does allow them to have opportunities they would not have had, and I would be lying to say that never made me jealous. Jobs that their degree was not actually necessary to perform the required tasks. Tasks I could have done without a degree, but jobs I never would have the chance to even prove I could do. But, I did alright for myself. I finished a vocational school and became a medical assistant when I was 30 years old. When I stopped working ten years later to be a stay-at-home mom, I was managing a medical office and making more money than some of my friends with college degrees. Finding myself at home somehow makes me start asking the question all over again. If I could do things over again I would go the collegiate route. I have no idea what my major would have been, but I would have gotten that degree. If I could have a re-do AND know what I know now, I would have does things differently. What I now see is that maybe we need to ask this question in a different way. Instead of asking someone, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" maybe we need to change it to, "How do you want to be when you grow up?" People make decisions on their future usually revolving around the career they want after college. At eighteen or nineteen, you may not be able to see past the projected income earnings or prestige a certain path will lead you towards. What I have seen, is the sacrifice that comes along with some of these jobs. You want to be a doctor? Save lives, cure the sick, make lots of money, and be respected by the community? Great! Don't forget that sometimes your patients die, people will sue you for malpractice even when you've done nothing wrong, you have to work more hours than anyone you know, and you will miss more than half of all your children's extracurricular activities. You want to be an archeologist? Dig up some dinosaur bones, discover new fossils, live in a tent, and insist people call you Indiana Jones? Fantastic! Just realize you will probably never see your family, go weeks without showers or air conditioning, and all that time in remote places will probably assure you skin cancer or malaria. I am not saying either of these professions are not admiral choices, but you have to go into them knowing what it is really going to mean for your life.
If there is something you want to do with your life, research the education that it needs, find out the true time commitments it will require, and speak to someone who lives the life. Really talk to them and see if they are living a life you could be happy with yourself. Just remember that if it is not what you hoped, start all over and try something new. The movie, "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button," although a bit lengthy (166 minutes), has one of my favorite lines from a movie:
- I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.
Interesting post, indeed. When I was in high school I thought I wanted to be a nuclear engineer for the US Navy. And then I discovered two things in my junior year of high school: (1) I was lousy at physics and calculus (2) I was madly in love with ancient history and Latin.
ReplyDeleteMy college years were devoted to becoming a history professor. I was the nerdy kid who had my entire 4 year course schedule mapped out before the Christmas of my freshmen year. I was well on my way when my graduate school plans got derailed and I entered the work force.
For years I really wanted to go back, but I find that I could be almost as happy with a library card and cash in my pocket.
My liberal arts degree and training taught me to be a critical thinker, a skill I value above about anything else.
I want my daughter to be more than happy, or perhaps from another angle, maybe a subset of happiness is, fulfillment. If she finds that as a dog walker, a scientist, stay at home mom, or president of a multi-national corporation, so be it.
I am sure your daughters will make you proud. Freedom to explore - and to fail - nothing that you have loving, supportive parents is about the most a child could ask for.
Thanks, Jud. I sent this post to a few young men I know: one just started college, and the other is starting to think about where he wants to go. I hope they both make decisions that teach them happiness and fulfillment.
DeleteVery well written and so true. Very often as kids we follow our parents or take the conventional path. Growing up.. I always wanted to be a Doctor, and I know I could have been an awesome one, had I had the percentage to get into the medical college. Its interesting how one exam decides the fate of our future.
ReplyDeleteIn today's times I am very happy when I see kids take the unconventional path, a path of passion and happiness. Less money for sure, but it keeps them happy. I know one person, who quit a high paying job to follow the career of choice. Its a learning curve, but I am sure he will see success.
As far as me.. when I grow up, I want to own an Art Gallery and have an exhibition. I don't care If I sell any paintings or not.. just want to have an exhibition.
That's why.. this second time around, I am making the calls.. not accepting the first job that comes my way.
I agree, Shilpa. We not only need to follow our own paths, but sometimes we need to make them.
DeleteHardly anyone you know has a career that correlates to their college major! Not long ago, a friend said to me that she understands going to law school to be a lawyer, engineering to be an engineer, etc. Then she said "what do you do again and what was your major?" I have a double major in Political Science and Criminal Justice after switching from finance because I sucked at Accounting. So it makes perfect sense that I would work in Finance and the Stock Market...lol. Life is odd that way. Sometimes by dumb luck you get a job, find you are good at it, enjoy it most days, and such is life. How else to explain going from the Post Office to managing a large medical practice? Proves that you don't need a degree to have a successful career.
ReplyDeleteBut college is so much more than that. Because whoever thought it was a good idea to send 18 year olds off to figure out what they wanted to "be when they grow up" was seriously delusional. It's about discovering who you are, learning life lessons, absorbing knowledge. You spent enough time at IU and BSU to know college is an experience to be savored and enjoyed.
Then the road curves a little and you have plenty of time to "do it all over again". Grandma Reese worked at a bank for many years and then went to nursing school at 50 and retired at 80. By 60 I hope to be sitting on a dock by the ocean, but that's still plenty of time to decide what I want to do when I grow up! Gone are the days you had to work at the Steel Mill or Amtrak for 40 years. The reality is sometimes you just need to make a living and pay the bills. But you should never stop trying to quench your thirst for knowledge or find a way to fulfill your passions. I've had a great career that I've enjoyed and where I found success. Now I have an appt at Marian to explore and accelerated Nursing degree. But I also have an interview at a commodities firm. The next chapter of this book is definitely still being written...Like discovering you have a knack for writing in your forties...
Our kids are smart, talented, and much better versions of us. My kids know education comes before anything. They can do whatever their heart desires or at least whatever allows them to not live in my basement! But only once they have a degree. And what's the #1 rule we'll teach them before shipping them off to college?? Never lie to your Mother because we will always know! A close second is never let Anita's mom chaperone your Spring Break...
Love you, my friend, but I am not letting you give me a spongebath.
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