Birthday parties

Yesterday, my daughters and I attended the birthday party of my good friend, Kay's, daughter.  Her child is turning 8 years old.  My friend Cee has a daughter that is nine, and my girls are nine and seven (lots of girls in our group).  Between our four daughters and the other people, there was so much laughing, smiling, squealing, and joking around at the party...and that was just from the grown-up table.  When you are good friends with people for going on 28 years, you aren't just friends with them; you know their entire family and network of friends.  You know the embarrassing nicknames your friend's brother used to call her.  You know how she and her siblings still tease and torment their parents about things that were said during their childhood.  I always enjoy listening to the stories they tell about how family dinners would go ("Dad would tell us, 'Everybody just spill your goddamn milk now and get it over with!"), the inside jokes that still make them all laugh like it just happened yesterday, and how growing older has no bearing on the family dynamic:  you can joke around with each other, but you still respect mom and dad, don't hurt your sisters' feelings, and brothers are fair game.  I grew up in an almost identical home.  Mom and dad, me and my siblings, and usually a dog in the kitchen at dinner.  We usually were talking and laughing, sometimes there was crying and arguments, but we always did it while eating as a family.

The party yesterday was a success.  There were sloppy joes, chips and pretzels, fruit, veggies, cupcakes, and goody bags.  Kay's daughter got lots of fun presents.  The kids smiled for pictures.  Everyone sang, "Happy Birthday," and the birthday girl closed her eyes and made her wish as she blew out the candles.  I looked around at all the smiling faces focusing on her sweet face.  I found my daughters' sweet faces sitting around the table and smiled at how much fun they were having.  I was having fun, too.  You could feel the love in the room.  Friends, children, parents and grandparents, aunts and uncles, a baby, and a dog...all together and emitting a love for each other that was as obvious as the smell of smoke from that extinguished candle.  After the cupcakes were devoured and the dishes started piling up in the sink, the guests started to leave.  People started putting on their coats.  Good byes and hugs were freely passed from person to person, and it is only the adults whom know the real gifts that were given that day.  Our children are surrounded by love.  Our children have a safe environment where they can explore and express themselves.  We are giving our children the blueprint of how to construct happy, supportive, solid relationships with family, friends, and the family of those friends. 

They say the best way to really learn about a person is to look at their family.  It does tell you so much about how they react to situations, how they show their support and their disapproval.  Yesterday was a day that confirmed many things for me:

1. My parents instilled some great values in me.
2. My friends' parents instilled most of the same values in them
3. Our kids are going to be fine.

Happy Birthday, sweet 8 year old girl.  I hope you wished for lifelong friends and unconditional love from your family.  That is a wish I know will come true.