I have always liked boys. I'm not talking just the, "I like you," kind of like. Since kindergarten, I have always had friends that are guys. My best friends in the world are the group I call, "The Big 5," that includes me and my four closest female friends. But, for most of my life, I have had guys who are sometimes my closest confidants. Some girls are girlie-girls and they bond with just other girls. Some men are described as being a, "man's man," because of their manly activities and manly characteristics. With those very official definitions to refer to, I guess I am a, "man's girl." I am one of those girls that likes to hang with the boys. It's not that I like sports all that much, but I know enough to be able to sit and watch a football game. I'll buy a bucket of beers and pass them around to hear my name praised around the table. Recently, when negotiating the buying of a new car, I leaned across the desk and told the salesman, "Look, I know how this works. You show me some vehicles. I write my price on a piece of paper. You take that paper to your supervisor and come back with a different price. This goes on and on when it really just comes down to one thing: who's got a bigger dick? And, let me tell you something, Jay...my dick is huge."
For 10 years, I worked in a very female-dominated field. For the last few years of that decade of my life, I was the manager of an office that consisted of about 30 employees, only two of which were male. There were days I would go to my office, close the door, and think, "These bitches are driving me crazy!" The estrogen and the drama and the PMS and the cattiness could get to a level where even I was sick of being around women. I am not saying men are perfect, but there are evenings that I do not want to talk about my feelings. I don't want to know if my butt looks fat in my jeans. Let me sit for two hours and talk about Quentin Tarantino and Kevin Smith movies. Feel free to include me in the discussion about how hot the Sports Illustrated swimsuit models are this year. I do not know how else to put it, but there is nothing that makes you feel more like a woman than being surrounded by men you will never sleep with: I know it, they know it, my husband knows it, their wives know it. These are my friends, not potential dates or boyfriends or future husbands. It doesn't matter what we all talk about, if the language gets raunchy, or if it appears we are flirting with each other. I remember getting together for dinner one night with a bunch of guys I have known for over 20 years (at Hooters, no less). There was one other woman at the table who I did not know. Over the course of the evening, I played musical chairs around the table visiting with all the guys. There were lots of laughs and hugs. I heard the other woman at the table (a friend of one of the guys) ask one of the men, "Who is she (meaning me) married to?" My friend answered something to the effect of, "None of us."
With all the friends I have that are men, it is probably surprising to many that I have not had a "conflict" with me and a wife about me, "talking to their man." What is my theory on this? Usually, in most of these situations, I was here first. I know that sounds silly, but I met these guys before their wives did. I watched these guys grow up and get their hearts broken by other girls. I never hesitated to tell them when they were being assholes. I told them when I thought they were dating the wrong women. They would tell me that I deserved better when I made poor dating choices. My guy friends watched out for me just as closely as my girl friends, and sometimes even a little closer.
I get along with the wives of my close guy friends. I think my boys made some great choices, and the wives seem to like me, too. It is not like I have never gotten the dirty look from across a room from a significant other of one of my guy friends. Part of me just wants to walk up to the woman and say, "Don't worry. I'm not a threat. I've known your man for 20+ years. If I wanted him, I would have had him by now."
O.k., maybe there were a few I had, but that doesn't mean we aren't still friends.
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